Wait, what? ~ Part 2
After making a few phone calls through my tears- to my best friend, my husband, and my daddy, and after sweet Betty prayed for me- we finally pulled ourselves together and headed out of that parking lot. During the next few hours we had lunch (and I may have had a margarita too), went shopping, and saw a great, funny movie. Anything to distract ourselves.
I bought these super cute bowls which I LOVE but that I will always think of as my tumor bowls!
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I just could not wrap my head around the fact that this routine MRI- done without expecting to find anything, had actually showed something a tumor. I just kept thinking- this can not be happening.
I decided to wait until I got home to tell Madison- both because I needed some time to get myself together and because I felt I needed to tell her in person.
I didn't (and haven't since) wondered why me but I sure have wondered why NOW? This is Madison's senior year and I HATE HATE HATE that this year will be marred by this. It makes my heart hurt.
I stayed awake most of that night- making list after list of questions and things I needed to do- reading some about this type of tumor on the internet {which you should NEVER do} and struggling with the reality of what was happening.
The drive home was difficult- the closer I got, the worse I felt. Knowing that I was going to have to Maddie, in person and try to hold it together and not start bawling made me physically sick. I prayed a bunch, cried a bunch, and tried to figure out how to tell her without breaking down into a big sobbing mess.
Thankfully God gave me the strength I needed to hold it together while telling her. I knew that in the days to come she would see me being upset but initially she needed to see me be strong and confident that it was all going to be okay- even if I was terrified.
After telling her I felt so much better. It's always the case that the anticipation of something is worse than the actual reality of it.
Or at least that is usually the case.
But when it came to going to see the doctor the following Monday- my anticipation was WAY better than the reality.
WAY better.