My list contained lots of things related to work and lots of things related to home. I know it probably looked ridiculous to some people because it included things like:
-clean out the pantry
-clean out the refrigerator
-clean out my drawers
-clean out the tupperware cabinet
-get a pedicure
-write down a list of all my passwords
-organize my closet
Most of those things may seem silly but I knew that having all of the closets and drawers cleaned out and everything in it's place would make me feel less stressed- plus it gave me something to do to keep me preoccupied.
But now that list is complete. All of my tasks are checked off. Short of finishing packing my bag for the hospital, I'm as ready as one can possibly be- at least physically.
However, I keep thinking....how can I do this?
When I can't sleep at night I think about those last few hours before I go into surgery and I wonder.
I wonder.....
- How do I hold my sweet baby girl and look her in the eyes and tell her it's going to be okay without absolutely falling apart?
- How do I hug my sweet Daddy and tell him not to worry?
- How do I kiss my sweet husband knowing how difficult the next 12 hours will be on him?
- How do I go to sleep not knowing if I will wake up and still be me?
- How will I handle it if I wake up and my facial nerve has been severed?
I don't know the answer to those questions so I do the only thing I know to do- I pray.