While I'm Waiting

These past few weeks before surgery have been both wonderful and horrible. There are days when I simply cry over absolutely everything and am completely terrified and horrified and others where I'm able to smile and laugh and go on with life as if nothing is wrong and almost forget what is coming in the weeks ahead. Almost.

I know without a single solitary doubt that God will use this time in my life for His good and have already seen some TREMENDOUS blessings come from it. He truly is so very good to allow me to see those blessings.

Anyone that knows me knows that I LOVE more than anything to help and to do for others. Serving and giving are the things that make my heart so very happy and I think are a large part of what makes me who I am. It is what I do and what makes me happiest. Giving I think I am fairly good at. Accepting love and help from others? I am so NOT good at. Like HORRIBLY bad.

I am definitely my mothers child and I remember as she battled cancer watching her sitting in her bed crying one day as I cleaned her house. When I asked her why she was so upset said that it was because she hated that everyone was having to take care of her and do things for her. I remember my response so clearly as I said " Do you get joy from helping others and taking care of them? Well guess what? So do we. You've taken care of us for years and now it's our turn. We love you and it is our honor to do this for you.  And if you don't let us? You are being a joy stealer!"

That conversation has run through my head countless times over the past few months as I have been showered with love by those around me. I have cried buckets of tears- overwhelmed by the kindness of my family, friends, co-workers, and strangers.  I will never, ever be able to thank each person but I treasure every call, text, gift, email, prayer, treat, meal, and offer of help more than they will ever know. 

I could write pages about the sweet things that have been done for me- from my sweet friends who anonymously left gifts on porch every few days (my porch fairies) to the precious friend paying to have my house cleaned for the next two months while I recover to the friends signed up to bring my family meals for the next several months to my amazing, precious friend Gina who is flying in today to spend the next few weeks taking care of me to the literally hundreds of cards and emails and texts and prayers of friends and of strangers I am amazed and humbled and more grateful than I could ever possibly explain.  I have never felt more loved in my entire life.  God has shown me ever single day how much He loves me through all of the people in my life. He is so very good.  

So I'm clinging to His promises. I know the days ahead will be hard. In fact, they will suck. But I also know what God promises. And He is always faithful. 

I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.
~Isaiah 46:4

Be strong and courageous. Don't be fearful or discouraged, because the LORD
your God is with you wherever you go."
~Joshua 1:9

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
~Psalm 27:4

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.
 ~Deuteronomy 31:6

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.
~Exodus 14:14

When I am afraid I will trust in you.
 ~Psalm 56:3

Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!
~Luke 1:45

 But I will trust in you, Lord; I say, you are my God. My times are in your hands.

 ~ Proverbs 31: 14-15